I am angry beyond measure. All it took was a hate crime and “good people” faking reasons to act like their hate was not actually there.

This post is about how having an attraction society disapproves of can wind up as murder or other hate crime.

Anyone may be attracted to anyone else.

But the kind I’m referring to here is an attraction by men/males to people who want to be womanly while remaining sexually male—gynandromorphophilia: female, male, shape, loving. I was inspired with such as Virginia Tech football player Isimemen Etute killing Jerry Paul Smith, Memorial Day, 5/31/21, Blacksburg, VA., to ponder this phenomenon.

I predicted this above killing to VT Admin. several times, while I advocated for T sex inclusion. I’m not psychic; I just recognized it. I’m an old, former psychotherapist / social worker, and hate is—not surprisingly—usually the basis of hate crimes. But their hatred led me to tell them clearly, repeatedly, their hatred for T sex issues, the way they recoiled in conversations, the actions they took to avoid T sex issues inclusion—just the look in their eyes—told me they were setting the stage for murder. I never told that to any other university or corporate leadership.

I was extremely hurt to hear when the violence happened, and just the way I said it would. I have a page on that, for now password protected.

Etute/Smith’s case is represented as surprise violence, where someone has sex with someone he thinks is a female, only to learn he’s male, feeling duped into unwanted gay sex, enraging, and killing. And maybe it did happen that way.

We don’t know Smith’s motivation in presenting as a woman to Etute in the first place, and now we can’t ask him. Maybe he was interested in transitioning, transgender. A few million other people have, and it appears the womanly representation was made. I tell trans people “stealth doesn’t exist,” that trying to fool people is usually folly and dangerous, because people can sense things, and if it works, it is likely only for a while. But in any particular case, it might be more likely if it is dark, if there are drugs involved, including alcohol, how good someone’s voice is in role.

But it could also have been guilt over gynandromorphophilia, instead. Because what happens, also, sometimes, is that a man can be attracted to the sex-and-gender non-binarism in someone else, experiment, feel conflicted with self-hate or because society hates it—particularly if friends find out—and then feel the need to confirm he isn’t that way, blaming the victim for deception and lashing out.

In either case, the sex-negative attitude of Virginia Tech does seem to relate. You could say I was wrong, but it turned out I was right. I told VT Admin. outright, 2018 to present, in writing, by emails, in person, on the phone…I sensed hate from Administration for T/NB sex issues, consistent with insults to me, recoiling when I’d discuss T/NB sex topics positively, asking for inclusion of the tiniest bit of language in campus guidance and protections, and even a notable Commission lying in its minutes about actions it took yet presumably didn’t want to take.

How might VT Administration hatred of T/NB sex issues manifest in a hate crime? What’s the connection?

Do you know how— If someone has deep seated issues with something that he does not want to face—denial—it can sometimes explode and disrupt life, even become violence? Like that.

Further, if someone believes society supports the hate or is against the issue, he may feel justified in acting out.

Virginia Tech admits sex and gender are two different things, even two different kinds of things.

The American Psychological Association agrees.

So after years of my advocating, why is there no inclusion at VT—even a tiny bit—for T/NB sex issues or sex identity in VT’s Principles of Community or non-discrimination? Compliance says it is not illegal to add. So why is it rejected? I believe because it’s not wanted, even hated.

And if learning from this Etute/Smith case is important, help prevent another act of violence,

  • Where are gynandromorphophilic men and women to stand up and say this is okay?
  • Where are transgender / non-binary people willing to stand up and say their sexuality is okay?
  • Where are REAL sex ed classes to discuss these things in sex terms, not just gender?
  • Where is role playing with students to just walk away from unexpected sexual encounters?

Smith and Etute didn’t get together to have gender. In the real world, sex happens. Hating a thing makes hate crimes more likely.

I am more than upset matters like this are handled so contemptuously—where T/NB sex issues are so scorned, where we can insult and demean unwanted divergence from dogma, refuse to include in campus protections and guidance—even of just who deserves basic respect—and then we say, “But don’t kill over it” like that’ll work.

We need to embrace things we hate, make them okay, not think up excuses why we don’t have to. Excuses support prejudice.

And now Smith is dead. Etute’s life is ruined. Their loved ones are all in pain. VT’s reputation is sullied.

And Virginia Tech and communities into which their students will later go remain at risk, because the lesson hasn’t been learned.

Posted by:Jenna Ware

Widow of Joseph F. Ware Jr., Dept. Mgr. Engineering Flight Test, Skunk Works, Lockheed (2 Air Force Ones, U-2, SR-71...); former NSA, NSOC, NSGA, Ft. Meade, MD; former forensic psychiatric social worker, MSW, LCSW; pilot, ATP/CFI; co-founder Ware Lab, Virginia Tech; asking for equality for all, including our sexuality; transsexual, 1981; author of "Shadow Life," sharing dangers of hiding trans person sexuality so others don't make the same mistakes I did.

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