This website is about accepting real diversity. Jenna Ware and Caitlyn Jenner at Camarillo Airport, shown because we have differing views on transsexualism and transgenderism.
November, 2018, Cait Jenner and Jenna Ware on a windy day, talking with firefighters at Camarillo Airport, California, a staging area for Malibu firefighting helicopters. I’ve included this picture, here, because we are opposites in issues asserted. She identifies as “transgender”; I identify as “transsexual.” And I know from talking with her that we have different sexual issues.

The Transgender Paradigm Must Evolve
Gender-Hide-Sex is a Dysfunctional System
Topics are Approached from Different Angles
Comparing and Contrasting to Myself

Not Outing Anyone
Reasons Given to Hide T Sexuality
Umbrella Term is Part of Hiding T Sexuality
Love Can Transcend Difference: Joe and I in Our Marriage

ABOVE: Biden and Harris running for President and Vice President; violent protests against racism in Kenosha, WI; Trump for re-election as President. BELOW: Conspiracy theories without basis, like Qanon and angry mobs coming to the suburbs

We are living through troubled times where, as occurs periodically in history, people are opting more than usual to believe as real their own beliefs, no matter how cruel, limiting acceptable variables in reasoning rather than seriously considering other perspectives or objective truths.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., an icon of humanism and equality, one of my heroes.

It should be clear there is a problem when ideology bends science and is inhumane to groups of people. You can see my own concern about ideologies affecting science and realism for trans people here.

This website does not shrink from variables usually omitted to present a partial view as if a whole, such as does the transgender paradigm. Trans people are not absent their sexualities. They are very important to us. And for some trans people the need to be the other physical sex is paramount, yet is being suppressed because society is as a whole disgusted by trans person sexualities.

But it’s not okay to suppress people’s sexualities because you don’t like them.

This website is about acceptance, equality and inclusion of real diversity—with our sexualities. To include trans people as if about social gender role while suppressing sex issues is not real inclusion. It is avoidance. And this must be addressed.

We varied trans people need to know we’re okay as we really are. It is vital for our mental health and quality of life—and no group can fully integrate into society while hiding key sexual issues.

The Transgender Paradigm Must Evolve

In these pages, I need to explain why the transgender paradigm—while being a step in an equality process—is harmful to trans people in general, must evolve into owning our sexualities, and in our sexualities being okay to have in society.

Millions of people are invested in avoiding trans person sex issues, to keep secret that issue that must not be discussed, even though it’s no secret—the need to change gender but not sex—even to the end that other and different people must also hide their sex needs to make it happen. It is sex-negativity for trans people that adversely influences science and education, based in transphobia. And the hell of it is that it hurts trans people directly.

I’m in the unpleasant position of having to say that the emperor has no clothes, amid people who put me down for it.

Gender-Hide-Sex is a Dysfunctional System

I’ve been in this since 1977 in mutual support, as a psychotherapist, as someone involved in everything from people on the streets to doctor’s offices with patients, speaking in universities, and I’ve even been “behind enemy lines,” as I’ve heard, married to a conservative icon, until his passing in 2012.

My forté in the trans world was stealth transsexualism, which bears on my views of avoiding owning our sexuality which results in self-destructiveness.

Decades have shown me how we cause many of our own problems in an effort to avoid some pain today, not realizing orders of magnitude more that can result years later.

I’m sick of society at large disguising their disgust at sex-and-gender non-binarism to appear as if avoiding T sexuality is, instead, compassion for transgenders who demand it. The faux, “We need to avoid it because it embarrasses them” is in reality,

“We don’t like it,
so we shame them,
then they say to avoid it,
so we do,
and they say, ‘Thank you.'”

The source the problem is society’s disgust of non-binary sexuality, and the cure is society’s acceptance, inclusion, equality.

But society won’t, because it hates it. Don’t blame bathrooms; the preferred design shows a preference for binarism. Transgenders could stand amid hate and insist their sexuality is okay—like I do, like Virginia Prince did—but they won’t because society has made them afraid.

This is a dysfunctional system that cannot stay here. It must grow. I feel I must be someone who stands up and says what I can to help.

This doesn’t happen often and is not easy.

Please bear with me while I try.

Topics are Approached from Different Angles
An elephant can be seen by different people in very different ways, because none are seeing the whole.

In these pages, on this site, I will discuss different aspects of the matter and from different directions, from different angles—all in an effort to counter response with misinformation that has become so popular—to share things that happen that tend to be covered up, and to inject some truth into phenomena that continue to exist in secret. Decades of misinformation cannot be clarified in brevity.

Throughout, and though I am greatly hurt as one of the phenomena that society says not to mention, I am kind and recommend kindness. I embrace transgenders, transsexuals, and diversity as a whole, but I know from my life’s lesson that we must own our sexuality while we do it. Doing otherwise, we disrespect ourselves and give license to those who demean us.

I did much of this to myself in my own life. Married to a conservative icon, I largely refused to properly consider my own sexuality, lived a shadow life. Without intent, I enabled bullies, I tried to handle prejudice in ineffective ways, and I even refused to go to the police when I should have because I didn’t want to create reports that said things I was trying to avoid. In not owning myself, I exacerbated my own problems.

Life is hard enough; we mustn’t make it harder.

Comparing and Contrasting to Myself

I center on promoting transsexual issues because they are mine and on discussing sexuality in clear terms because that is what we must own. I do tend to discuss these things regarding male-to-female so I may compare and contrast to myself, and as such I do not tend to discuss female-to-males often. Female-to-male is not a mirror image of male-to-female. Both are equally valued and equally trans, but in many ways it’s a different topic.

Not Outing Anyone
An iceberg is shown, with 80% of it unseen, as is "transgender" while hiding T sex issues.
T Sexuality is not a minor bit of tissue we don’t see with our clothes on; it’s much more than that, deeper, with facets that affect many aspects of our lives.

While individuals may wish to keep their sexuality private, institutions and organizations should openly state and accept T sexuality.

The way it is, now, like Planned Parenthood does to my dismay, is the opposite; they actually say that even inquiring if someone may be such as I is offensive.

Imagine trying to feel good about yourself when most every corner of society says you are an offense, that your core issues are offensive.

I’ve put my foot down. I saw Joe die in front of me, and I was impressed with the value and the shortness of life. I’m determined to be myself during my lifetime, and I should be able to.

Reasons Given to Hide T Sexuality

References here are generally conceptual and in the aggregate, and I’m aware that many counters are given to standing for trans people yet against the sex-negative posture of the current stage in evolution of acceptance:

I am aware that there is a great deal of variation in T communities, sometimes mistaken as a continuum of angstroms, such as in the colors of a rainbow, yet blue is still something we can discuss as different from green, yellow, orange, red, or—perhaps more to the point—to wavelengths which are also there but which we cannot easily see (see “Reasons” #6).

I am aware that transiting gender is a common element in trans people, but that does not mean it’s the primary focus of all. The different needs to be male of a gender and female of the same gender are significant and meaningful. Mathematics, for example, are used by all the sciences, yet they are not all mathematicians (see “Reasons,” #2).

Umbrella Term is Part of Hiding T Sexuality
Shows women marching for the vote. Women were oppressed by "men," rather as is T sexuality oppressed by a gender umbrella.
“Men” was an umbrella term for all, and part of that was obscuring women; “transgender” as an umbrella term is obscuring T sexualities and people like me.

References by main issue of transsexualism and transgenderism were commonplace until transgenders—a much larger minority—began to malign or suppress transsexualism. I agree with Virginia Prince, Ph.D. that differences between transsexualism and transgenderism are meaningful and vital, the two different terms are needed for the two phenomena.

Discussion on this website is for each phenomenon by its main issue:

TRANSSEXUAL: The demonstrated main need to transit actual physical biological sex, the need to be the other sex-and-gender binary.

TRANSGENDER: The demonstrated main need to transit gender, the need to be another gender but not the other sex, non-binary.

Thus and as such, I assert I am and ask to be accepted as transsexual, not transgender. While I support others in being themselves, that must also extend to me. I must also be myself. Other-sex and sexuality issues are my core need, and we harm ourselves by not being ourselves.

This website does not seek to diminish a gender-focused view for people who want it, but asks to also include a sex-focused view for people like me, for whom it is vital, necessary for survival.

Thus, it would not be “transgender” for all trans people but “transgender and transsexual” or “trans people” for all trans people.

Love Can Transcend Difference: Joe and I in Our Marriage
One of Joe and Jenna Ware's 17 marriages and us in the King's Chamber of the Great Pyramid, juxtaposed against hatred.
Joe stuffing cake in my mouth at our wedding, getting me back for doing that to him; Joe and I traveling the world together (King’s Chamber, Khufu’s Great Pyramid, Giza, Egypt)—as opposed to people being hateful.

And we can get along: My husband (above, also here and here) was a Christian and I am a Jew. More to the point, particularly in this harsh climate of extreme conservatism clashing with an over-branded, decried faux-socialistic liberalism, Joe was a conservative Christian Republican 40 years older, and I was a liberal Jewish Democrat transsexual. Our love was real, open and accepting because prejudice was not part of our ethics.

We must learn to co-exist, and value for diversity, itself, is the only way. Live, let live, and value each other.

We must all learn to coexist, to value diversity for itself as our own cultural richness.
Coexistence does not mean just with people who agree.

Conflicting religions can coexist; conflicting ideologies must also learn to coexist. You may believe my religion is wrong and yours is right, but if you pressure society to say yours is the one that must be included and mine must be excluded, you practice prejudice, bigotry. That is harsh and cruel. No nice way to do it.

My best to you and yours.