November, 2018, Cait Jenner and Jenna Ware on a windy day, talking with firefighters at Camarillo Airport, California, a staging area for Malibu firefighting helicopters.

It is the position of this website that the transgender social movement (example Cait Jenner, 2017) is over-focused on gender for all and is suppressing trans person sexuality. The focus on gender is pressured to be personal, institutional, in entertainment and legislation. Verbiage and inclusion is required to be about gender—say “gender” not “sex,” reference identities for gender not physical sex, say “transgender” not “transsexual,” say “GRS” not “SRS,” or just say “surgery.” What surgery? A surgery said to be about gender. This directs conversation away from phenomena like mine, says people like me are not okay.

In our species, sex and gender are highly correlated, almost always seen together, assumed to be part of the same thing, and physical sex and sexual response are also openly owned by societies. But in transgenderism—the vast majority of trans people—regardless of what is said, sex and gender are treated as two different things:

  • They want to change gender, not sex; and
  • They say to talk about gender, not sex.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, straight…all are acknowledged to have and value both a physical sex and a sexual response as a sex—in movies, media, non-discrimination statements—but trans people are largely being de-sexed, represented with the euphemism “gender.” The “need to be the other physical sex” is rarely heard, and “sexuality” is re-directed to orientation (who you’re into), not response as the same or other sex, though these things are still vital in general.

This hurts all trans people, as described on this site’s posts and pages, and also hurts me deeply as my neural need since birth has been strongly to be the other actual, physical sex—not same physical sex but other gender role. To be told that shouldn’t be specifically spoken, discussed or owned, that it must be couched in euphemisms such as “gender” and “surgery,” says there is something wrong or even offensive about my issues to the core.

I am aware physical sex cannot yet be changed. That is a hell I have to live with every day—but to then also have even my need taken away from me, not recognized in legislation, non-discrimination statements, institutions, media, doctors, neighbors, “friends”…is tormenting, dehumanizing, degrading. And I’m not the only one. We just have trouble being heard, outnumbered by millions of transgenders who press their paradigm.

Transgenders demand this because they fear rejection if they admit they don’t also want to be the other physical sex. While individuals may choose to be private about their sexuality, society must openly state and own it, or they’re not really embracing trans people—and in a climate of “Don’t discuss transgender sexuality,” many transgenders may feel they cannot opt in to opportunities or help that would otherwise be available to them.

I knew Cait Jenner three years. Her airplane hangar was near mine at Camarillo Airport, California, “CMA.” I discussed this with her a few times. I think she heard me, but with me she clung to a gender-not-sex focus and verbiage, rather like Secrets does. I love her. She’s great in a lot of ways, but I think the suppression of trans person sexuality hurts all trans people, limits how far the “transgender” social movement can integrate in society. She is new, since 2015; I switched in 1981, and I’ve more experience than people want to hear.

Cait: I’m not included with gender-but-don’t-say-physical-sex.

Society: If you don’t say it, you don’t mean it.

Shadow Life: Aerospace, Love and Secrets” is autobiographical and the life I shared with Joe, but also about how not owning our sexuality can be disastrous, restrict opportunities, engender hate crimes, and create alienation. I made our life together harder than it needed to be because I would not open to others and police about my sexuality, did not adequately stand up for myself, for us.

Phenomena such as mine are being suppressed in a discussion of commonality instead of salient issue:

If you focus on the commonality of gender, then core issues and recognition of transsexualism are pushed into a closet, yet transgenders can live in requested social denial of their need for a physical sex and sexual response.

If you focus instead on salient issue, then all of us trans people get to exist as ourselves, but the secret of transgenderism comes out of the closet—which it must do before full integration can ever take place, anyway.

Phenomena are distinct by significant difference. And the need to be the opposite sex from each other, as well as a need for a sexual response as the other sex, are both significant.

This website asserts the need to discuss trans persons by salient issue, not commonality. Thus,

TRANSGENDER here means people whose primary need is to change gender (whether they have SRS or not);

TRANSSEXUAL here means people whose primary need is to change actual physical sex, such as me.

As such, by salient issue I am transsexual, not transgender.

We are all trans people, but we’re not all transgender.

I ask to be stated, recognized, included equally with all trans people, all people. I’m trying to exist. It is very hurtful for people to treat my neurological need since birth as something that should not be recognized or spoken.