Sex and Gender

small j2arrest 3.jpgIncluded Below:


When we see trans people in life, we’re seeing different things that look similar with our clothes on. One of those ways made it possible for me to survive, where the other would have killed me. My issues are around physical sex. They’re being left out, more and more, so I need to clarify to exist.

Sex and gender are two different things. Transsexual and transgender are two different things, each with its own spectrum. Transsexualism is not extreme transgenderism; that is the #1 rationale shared to me.


SEX: Primary sex characteristics; chromosomes, reproductive organs, genitalia; going to reproduction for the species; male or female. Secondary sex characteristics, such as stature, breasts, body hair, voice…are common to the sexes but do not themselves denote the sexes. As of yet, biologic sex cannot be changed. Related issues: sex identity; sex expression (genitalia); sexual response (as female or male).

GENDER: Social construct, varies with culture; masculinity or femininity; manly or womanly; sometimes man or woman. Not male or female. Gender is often used as a euphemism for physical sex, but the differences are made clear with transgenderism where a male will womanize yet keep male genitalia. Gender can be changed as it’s a social role and can be affected by hormones and surgeries. Related issues: gender identity; gender expression (femininity or masculinity, womanly or manly).


“Transgender” is meant to refer to any gender-role shift in society, but that hides what people are really doing. Transgenderism, the phenomenon, is about changing gender, not physical sex, and is different in both mind and body from transsexualism. See Virginia Prince, Ph.D.:

“…[people] who have breasts and live full time as a woman, but who have no intention of having genital surgery…” (Gender Blending, 1997, p. 469).

Even with the popular coalition, this describes 95% or so of all people who identify as transgender. Referencing MTF so I can compare and contrast to myself, the intent is to be

  • gender role identity of “woman,” very often conflated with
  • gender identity as “woman,” sense of self, conflated with
  • sex identity of “male” in that identity is with male genitalia
  • sex expression of “male” in retaining those male genitalia
  • sexual response of “male” as in how she responds while aroused and when having sex.

“Transsexual,” the phenomenon I’m trying to share so that I may exist with my own issues, is the opposite on the sex issues:

  • gender role identity of “woman” per my place in society
  • gender identity as “woman” per myself
  • sex identity of “female” in that identity is with being female
  • sex expression of “female” in needing to be anatomically female and needing SRS
  • sexual response of “female” as in how she responds while aroused and when having sex.

If numbers in common element defined transsexual as transgender, then we’d all be transvestites, and that so misses the point. You couldn’t even discuss us without tripping because the differences are so great.

Sex identity, genitalia, sexual response—and also the being of the state of the opposite sex, even if nobody else ever knew—are a primary reason for and require SRS. Needing to be the opposite sex is the defining state difference between transgenderism and transsexualism, and is worthy of recognition. It should not be referred to by the same name as people who do not want to change sex. That hurts us, removes us, feels deeply neurological, says the thing that could kill us is not worthy of recognition—and the reason for it is to aid transgenders in not owning their own issues.

Here it’s laid out in pictorial form:

Transgender Paradigm graph

Why does discussion have to be about “gender”? Because transgenders outnumber us some 20-30 to 1, and if people dissent, transgender radicals will claim victimization and slam them.

We are the opposite where physical sex issues are concerned:

Transgender Paradigm Hides graph

The transgender paradigm has so squashed sex identity, it’s nearly impossible to find, any more, in favor of gender identity, and when I try to google it, I keep getting orientation, not identity, info. Note: Sex identity is the sex with which I identify; sex orientation is the sex to which I’m attracted.

I get arguments from people who claim I’m exaggerating about Virginia Prince, Ph.D. when I reference her, but I’m not. Her history is being eroded off the net, harder to find in recent years. She wrote about transgenderism in various places including How to Be a Woman Though Male, (1971), and she popularized “transgender” and “transgenderist” to mean

“…people like myself who have breasts and live full time as a woman, but who have no intention of having genital surgery,” (Gender Blending, 1997).

She was referring to a phenomenon, same as I am.

Transgenders get upset when I say this, so I’ll offer a comparison, and I’m still trying to be specific to clarify concepts the transgender movement conflates or obfuscates:

  • I’m glad men/males exist. I enjoy them. And sexually, I’m into men/males. But to be a man/male or to be called a man/male is abhorrent to me.
  • I’m glad for transgenders to be themselves. I’m pleased to be friends and support them. But to be transgender or be called transgender is abhorrent to me—for the same reason I can’t be male.

I am not transgender because that way of living that would have killed me. It hurts every time a transgender refers to me as such, and when other people agree to do it also, they’re hurting me, too.

I am an extreme transsexual. I am not referring to beauty or passability but need. My need was so strong I couldn’t live without SRS. Male genitalia on me was a hated, ugly, vile thing I couldn’t tolerate. My disgust was so strong it was excruciatingly painful. The required transitional-living phase before SRS was the most painful of my life; transgender living would have killed me. SRS was not a so-called “final surgery”; it was my first, in 1981, retouching later when techniques improved. I also had body sculpting liposuction (which didn’t work well), bone FFS which did work well along with several other related procedures. Altogether, I spent about $150,000 doing all this until there was no more. If I could change the chromosomes, I would. If I were to have had children, it would have needed to be as a mother, giving birth, not as a father which is abhorrent to me.

The transgender paradigm needs to evolve, to begin to embrace what it’s really doing, much as Kenji Yoshino shared in his marvelous book Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights (2006). In order for people to accept us as we truly are, we need to BE who we truly are. Transgenders need to embrace the concept with society of being the other gender and keeping the same sex and sexuality. “Yes, I’m a woman and I have a penis. I am a woman with male sexuality…” Transgender leaders write books to please a buying base and marginalize the truth of this, which leaves main-stream transgenders alone when facing family, friends, co-workers.

However it goes, with “transsexual” marginalized in discourse or re-characterized as transgender, I’m left with the painful reality that I am something people feel they should not even mention any more—a feeling I also had after watching the 2016 Academy Awards, Oscars when they referred to “The Danish Girl” movie about Lili Elbe as “transgender” who had “gender confirming surgery.” Lili died having SRS, sex reassignment surgery, and we can’t even say it. I’m ashamed of people who can’t recognize something that kills so many, and I feel so low when people refuse to acknowledge the core of my life, as if I’m not really here, as if I’m in denial of the presumed fact that I’m really about gender, as if I don’t exist but to serve the tenets of another political movement.


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