T Genitalia: It’s Okay to Ask

Screen shot 2017-08-15 at 9.04.52 AM.png
My husband at an air show; keeping secrets with Chewbacca; me working another air show as a marshaller.
Screen shot 2017-08-16 at 8.58.56 AM
Jenna Ware, MSW, LCSW, ATP/CFI

Caitlyn Jenner’s Obfuscation
Jenner’s Euphemisms
Reporters and Us All

Transgender leaders are hiding information the public needs. Warning reporters not to ask for more, interviewers collude and unwittingly enable a trans dysfunctional system.

I’m a very long-term transsexual, SRS in 1981, former forensic psychiatric social worker, widow of a conservative icon. I’m not guessing. I’ve been in this, behind the scenes and in the trenches with trans people for decades. Hiding these key things may prevent embarrassment today but can engender longer-term depression, suicidality, discrimination and hate crimes such as threats, assault, rape, and murder.

As I’ll show, for a trans leader, “Take me as I imply, and don’t ask about it” is dangerous—a “bad steer,” as we’d say in flying. Social integration is impeded with obfuscation and subterfuge as it’s never normalized. The sexuality of transgender living must not be treated as a source of shame.

I also need to say at the outset that I know Cait Jenner from Camarillo Airport, CA. Her airplane hangar is near mine. Cait: I love you, love your hugs, loved the dune buggy ride, good sense of humor… I sometimes comment on things you’ve said publicly, but I have to tell you you’re on a very wrong track, one that hurts trans people in general by hiding what phenomena are about, a road-block to social understanding and a source of conflict between people that can enable problems people don’t like to face.

To simplify, I’ll discuss these phenomena from the Male-to-Female direction.



T Phenomena on med blue field

Transgender leaders are hiding information the public needs. Promoting the largest phenomenon (B) under the umbrella (C) —changing gender but not sex—they’ll talk about gender identity, gender role change as paramount, but are usually unwilling to disclose in areas of sex identity, physical sex, and sexuality. These are the differences between transgenderism and transsexualism. Example: Caitlyn Jenner with Diane Sawyer, April 21, 2017 on 20/20, ABC News, Cait implies SRS without saying so, plays down its importance in favor of a gender transition, uses euphemisms, and warns not to ask for specifics.

I don’t like to infer SRS from euphemistic implications—or response to other people who say things based on their inference—particularly when someone talks down SRS the way Cait just did, never including there are those of us who’d die without it. I think Cait has had SRS, but she’s so wedded to popular transgender terminology—which obfuscates—it’s hard the public to know for sure. Assumptions are made, but Cait never states it clearly. Yet. As far as I know.

I know Cait is a good person. She cares about all of us and in her way is trying to help, but I believe she has been influenced by a very left-wing extreme view of what is important for trans people as a whole, very transgender paradigm.

I’ve also shared with her that transsexuals who need SRS desperately are hurt by this kind of marginalization, minimization—transsexuals who need society, insurance companies, families, health care providers…to understand that for many of us being of the wrong physical sex is torture, intolerable pain (Chapter 4), that we must have SRS or die—and that’s before we even get into neurological issues of physical sexual response as a male or a female.

It’s hard to learn what Cait is doing. Even with my long experience, I can’t tell, and with a book entitled The Secrets of My Life, I should be able to. She says her book is about honesty. About some things, it is; but on the issues of her sex identity, sexuality, sexual response as male or female, I believe it is evasive. People seem ready to believe that Cait is transsexual, but I don’t see where she says so, or where she says she had her penis removed, or that she now has a vagina. She needs to be clear about these things. In her book, she never even mentions the word “transsexual.” She says she’s transgender with a “final surgery,” but I’ve been in this since the 1970s, and there is no such thing as a final surgery—only that someone may have what satisfies and stop, but that is varied. Sometimes it’s an orchiectomy (testicles removed and keeping penis), FFS, breast augmentation or other that is felt to confirm the social role of gender. Sometimes people will also falsely imply such surgeries as GRS, GCS, GAS, or even SRS, in subterfuge.

This obfuscation and subterfuge is part and parcel of the transgender movement’s effort to be unclear about the state of trans person sexuality of any kind, to hide it, play it down, pretend it’s not there or that it’s something other than it really is.

I shake my head in worry at how this hiding, this secrecy hurts us.

Non-disclosure of genitalia—usually such as retaining a penis—hurts transgenders (B) at large who depend on media info, people who are changing gender not sex, and—faced with parents, family, friends, co-workers, legislators—who need people representative of their phenomenon to point to and say, “That’s me. That’s what I am. See? You can be a woman with a penis, and it’s okay.” Hiding sexuality says there’s something wrong with it, and over time people get that message.

Journalists are aware of this kind of obfuscation and subterfuge and try to be accurate, fair, and thorough, try to be vigilant and courageous about holding those in the spotlight accountable, but when they approach sensitive areas of transgender sexuality, they’re rebuffed by angry public leaders who cry privacy and sometimes journalists back off, tacitly agree to collude.

I’m here to say that trans leaders—if they take the public stage, if they’re selling books, if they want media attention—have an obligation to describe these important social and physical aspects of both a gender and a sex change.

I’m also here to tell journalists it’s okay to ask—that journalists should ask. Please do.

It’s not hard to be clear. I’ll demonstrate with my own life:

  • Yes, I was born male, with penis and all. It hurt terribly in my soul since birth, since my first thoughts at age 3.
  • Medically required living as the other gender-but-not-sex prior to SRS in 1981 was the most painful period of my life and would have killed me, it was so impossible to be. See my memoir: Shadow Life: Aerospace, Love, and Secrets.
  • Yes I switched with SRS, completely from male to femaliform genitalia. I’ve also been updated since then as techniques improved. I also had FFS in 2005.
  • Yes, since SRS I do not have any penis or testes. Now my genitalia is female in form and function, neo clitoris, labia, vagina.
  • My sexuality is female.
  • I am transsexual. My need is to be biologically female, but that is impossible, so I survive legally, socially, anatomically/genitally. When science learns to change chromosomes, I’ll get that done, too.

Now I’ll demonstrate asking Cait for the public. Most trans people have no social pull to sell an idea to society, but leaders do. If you’re out there with books or movies, you need to lead—not with today’s expedience but with what people really need:

  • Did you have SRS, male genitalia removed and re-fashioned into the form and function of female genitalia? (I use “SRS” because it is specific; “GRS,” etc., are euphemistic implications popular with transgenders, refer to gender, which is not sex, and could be anything.)
  • If so, when did you have it?
  • Do you still have a penis?
  • Do you still have any testes?
  • Do you have a vagina?
  • Exactly what was the surgery you referred to in your book as “final surgery”?
  • You assert you’re a woman, but is your sexuality male or female?
  • Are you transsexual, and if you believe so, how do you define that? Specifically?



The majority of trans people change gender but not sex. Consider these concerns in the broad:

  • What are you saying about yourself when you agree to play yourself down, to hide your sexuality, to fudge romantic relationships, perhaps even to avoid them, to state even to yourself that you are something that should not be mentioned?
  • Being open about being “transgender” isn’t admitting your same-sex sex identity, your sexuality. That is still hiding key elements.
  • Finding love is hard enough for most everyone. For a trans person, it’s harder. Why in God’s name make it even harder for yourself by looking for love while hiding your sexuality, that, yes, you do intend to use during sex? If it’s male, it’s male. Saying you’re a woman doesn’t change that.
  • How can people who are interested in you find you if you hide what you are? How does anyone know to ask you out—or if you ask them out, what prevents this from increasing the likelihood of rejection?
  • How can you expect them to keep it a secret after they know? Gossip hurts, and it’s usually to others, not to you.
  • Do you intend to be celibate or date only other trans people?
  • Sometimes it’s not true that your genitalia is a secret. That is denial at work, an unhealthy level of shutting out part of your life that doesn’t prevent embarrassment but sets you up for humiliation later in life when you realize people already knew and you’ve acted as if it were other…
  • It painful to wake up years later in life and realize you’ve hidden yourself because other people said you’re not okay, and that those years cannot be regained.
  • If you won’t talk about having a penis, people won’t get used to the idea, society won’t accept you with it, and you won’t show it—so you limit your own social opportunities where disrobing may be involved, such as military service, police, fire department, etc.
  • Surprise violence can occur if someone is in a romantic situation with you and only then finds out—beginning to have sex, and a guy only then finds out you have a penis. Things like this can lead to severe violence, rape, murder.

Hate crimes will continue to occur until people begin to see variant people as valued and equal, and that’s not going to occur by playing it down, saying “…that’s an inappropriate question,” and the list of murders is long.



Reporters and all of us: Transition must not be some fantasy of accept me as say I am but don’t ask me what I really am. Obfuscation and subterfuge have no place in finding acceptance for who or what we really are.

For people who go on TV, sell books or movie rights: I hope people will see the importance of admitting sexuality. All these issues revolve around sex identity, genitalia, having sex, and how you respond to sex (as male or female). Researchers need it to dig and find truths and should not be intimidated by radical dogma or threats. Legislators need the truth when considering laws. Families and friends need it to help them understand what they’re suspecting.

And for reporters: Ask about genitalia, what different surgeries are, sex identity, sexuality overall, sexual response nature as a male or female…all of it. People who are in the public spotlight by their own will? ASK THEM. People making major changes in their life depend on them. Please don’t give in to misinformation that’s so readily given. Help us trans people dig our way out of this denial that grips the modern movement, and help society learn we’re actually good and valuable people as we truly are.

Diane Sawyer, all: Please help.