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Popular “transgender” (C) leaders: Janet Mock, Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox, Jenny Boylan

T Phenomena on med blue fieldCULTURE OF SECRECY

Note: I tend to reference MtF trans people so I may compare and contrast to myself. I offer my story as an example of how I sabotaged my own life with secrecy.


If you promote “transgender” as an umbrella term (C) over all trans phenomena, then you probably also promote a Culture of Secrecy about trans person sexuality—one that focuses on gender and plays down sexuality.

Though genitalia or sexuality exist in most popular trans leader rhetoric, it’s usually rare, pheripheral, and redirects to romance or orientation (who we’re attracted to) and away from who and what we are as sexual beings, ourselves—and by that, I mean, specifically,

1. the physical sex we need to be,
2. our genitalia, and
3. how we respond sexually as males or females.

The idea that we can fully integrate and normalize while keeping our sexuality a secret is denial, a child’s wish, fantasy.

EXAMPLE: If being a transgender (B) woman with a penis is downplayed, it will never be sold as okay to society. Most transgenders (B) will say they’re happy to be the woman they always wanted to be, but will integrate only so far, will actually self-discriminate and avoid such as intercollegiate sports, jobs, or costuming where locker rooms, showers or revealing designs are part of it…

AND on the flip side, I fear that some universities or institutions secretly know this. Pandering to demanded transgender (C) verbiage with a pro-gender, downplayed physical sex focus. They can claim to be cooperative—using exact verbiage transgenders (C) prefer—while knowing most transgenders (B) will limit their own inclusion. I fear, some administrators know that by colluding with transgender (B and C) practice of obfuscation, they can avoid a lot of the feared conflict of trans women with a penis trying to utilize female-only areas. (See the bathroom discussion for complications and an easy solution.)

The privacy claim by transgenders (B and C) is not modesty; it’s fear of shaming, fear of rejection. But as old Antie Jen whose been down the secrecy road for decades, I’m sharing we cannot grow into truly being ourselves in society, fully integrate, unless we each own our real sexuality.



A man I talked with at the airport said he has a right to know what genitalia a trans woman has before asking her out on a date.

I told him he has no actual right to know, and she has no obligation to tell; but it should be normalized so it’s okay for her to say—and to get there,

  1. muggles need to quit shaming trans people, and
  2. trans people need to quit shaming ourselves by hiding our sexuality.

That is where the fear of rejection comes from. That is why there is a Culture of Secrecy.

Trans people used to be open with their sexuality, but society shamed transgenders, so they changed their tactics.



I have arranged two pages to show what I’m saying, and why this is vital to our lives, even our survival:

1. A clear example of all this is seen in Caitlyn Jenner’s media campaign, where she explicitly tells Diane Sawyer on ABCs 20/20 not to ask about our sexuality, even though she knows comparatively little about all this.

2. There are 7 ways this Culture of Secrecy hurts us all that can lead to discrimination, separateness, alienation, loneliness, depression, suicidality, rape, or even murder.



Why do so many people promote a gender-centric sociopolitical model?

  • For transgenders (B), it’s usually fear of T Phenomena on med blue fieldrejection or shaming if the desire to retain natal physical sex and sexuality is known;
  • Some institutions, I fear, are willing to collude with a demanded gender focus knowing most transgenders (B and C) will continue to self-discriminate where genitalia could be revealed;
  • Transsexual leaders may be selling a media campaign—book or movie—and pander to (B) as the biggest buying base;
  • Screen shot 2017-12-07 at 8.24.32 AM
    By Alice Dreger, Ph.D.

    Some fear slamming from radicals, which can be severe—bullies who force a view and are willing to hurt other people to do it;

  • Some are new in the field, listening to trusted friends (without realizing that political views are being sold as truths);
  • Some don’t know or don’t want to know the longer-term, negative effects in life of hiding our sexuality;
  • Some enjoy the spotlight that comes with transgender or supporter adoration. Transsexuals are very popular if they say they’re transgender;
  • Some say we’re stronger if we stand together as “transgender,” even if (1) there is a conflict of interest in the largest out group pressing its name for all, and (b) others of us feel hidden or oppressed, our issues said to be unimportant or not mentionable;
  • Many others in society think gender is really the issue that matters, because that’s all they hear about (as a result of the above). This is major. Most people don’t want to get close enough to trans people to see how we’re different, just do what the most vocal demand and move on. In reality, the details matter for research (one example is better evaluations and treatment plans for children who transition), and on an individual level, details can be life or death. If allowing transition is about compassion, then why would we leave the individual out of society?



Currently, the transgender movement has the ability to do things without the judgment to know what’s best. Those are qualities I normally ascribe to adolescence. The paradigm needs to mature, and that will require owning our sexuality.

How can a longer-term message get through the popular media buzz and share harmful effects of playing our sexuality down, when the movement, itself, is short-term in focus, entrenched in denial, and when reporters, media, doctors, corporations and legislators collude?