Not all trans people see sex and gender the same way. There are two different general perspectives.

One way is that they’re both part of the same thing, social role and biology all rolled in together as “gender,” not “sex” (which is minimized), that trans people move on a continuum of gender to a place where they feel more comfortable. Most trans people agree with this, and “gender identity” refers to the mind-set of one’s needed gender or gender role.

The other way is that sex and gender are two different things, though usually seen together, so they usually appear to be part of the same thing. In this view, it is recognized a person may need to change gender but also need to change sex.

While the transgender paradigm asserts sex and gender are all rolled in together, it is actually the existence of transgenderism that proves sex and gender are two different things. When millions of people change gender role yet do not want to be the other actual physical sex, it is clear they’re treating sex and gender as two different things. Even if you insist a continuum view of sex-and-gender, millions of people stopping before a certain point also indicates two different things.

Phenomena are distinct by significant difference, and the need to be non-binary is as worthy as the need to be binary, or the other binary. We are all people worthy of liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

People who identify as transgender or transsexual argue about which view is right, what are we, how we need to be referred-to. Must we say “transgender” and “gender identity”; or can we instead say “transsexual” and “sex identity” if that is how we identify?

Which view is okay to hold?

The answer is: BOTH—just as conflicting religions can co-exist in love and respect.

Stay with me on this. You’ll see what I mean in a second. There have been times when conflicting religions were intolerant and hostile to one another:

What if a Christian said to a Jew, “You are going to hell because you don’t accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.”

And what if a Jew said to the Christian, “Dude, you’re worshiping a man.”

My husband was Christian. I am Jewish. Yet we loved deeply. I’ll always maintain he is/was the single greatest thing in my life. He passed in 2012. He was a better person than any I’ve ever known—kind, caring, egalitarian—no hint of prejudice in his bones. What mattered to him was a person’s character, their personality, ethics, interests, etc.

Is it transphobic to have a different view of sex and gender? Is it blasphemy to believe that Jesus is not the Christ and that he was human? Such assertions are intolerant of diversity and teach prejudice, that we should all have the same ideology.

One perspective on sex and gender change can believe that its ways are right, that all other views are wrong.

But what one view must not do is try to minimize or suppress other views, lest they suppress the lives of other people who are also valued.

What all us trans people need is for society to accept us with our differences, without hate, anger or prejudice—and that is also what we must give to each other.