What transsexualism is about is a need to be the other sex. An apple and a tomato. You can still tell them apart even if they look similarly?
They are both red and round…so are they both apples?
Chromosomes, a uterus, the brain...all parts of being a physical sex.
TRANSSEXUALISM: 20th century examples of needing to be the other sex, left to right: Lili Elbe, Christine Jorgensen, Canary Conn, Reneé Richards, Jan Morris, Jenna Ware. (Some of us continue into the 21st century.)
TRANSGENDERISM: A 20th century example, Virginia Prince promoted the need to change gender but not sex, which is the vast majority of all trans persons. Popular early 21st century leaders who promote the transgender paradigm. Left to right: Janet Mock, Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox, Jenny Boylan.

Definitions
Differences in Brief
How the Transgender Paradigm Came to Be
The “Transgender” Paradigm Must Evolve
Slamming Dissent Intimidates Universities and Science
Most People, Including Transgenders, Do Not Know What We Mean
Accepting Diversity Includes Incompatible Views
How to Take a Neutral Position
Issues in Transsexualism

Gender is seen by most people as conflated with sex, with trans people making changes on a continuum between two usually-obvious sexes/genders.

But if you look more closely you see that trans people actually treat sex and gender as two different things in several ways (listed in detail at this link), and that some have different, even opposite, goals, ideologies, and sexualities (see below) which are being suppressed as offensive. Phenomena are distinct by significant difference, and differences here are major, such as needing to be the opposite sex from each other and having an opposite sexual response need.

Against my will, I’m socially identified as about gender with an offensive sexuality, my most deeply-held core issue is not supposed to be spoken or included. Calling me “transgender” is the worst thing you could ever say to me because it says it’s offensive to be what I am, to say what I am and am not, and that I must, instead, identify with my oppressors.

My need to be the other sex is gone from a gender narrative, as is my needed sexual response. Gender identity is not my main need—sex identity is, society maneuvering to avoid it. “Gender identity” has become a term of sexual suppression to me because of the effort that goes into making sure T sex issues are excluded. Cancel culture tactics, mental and bureaucratic gymnastics…have been used to require only gender terms. I need to be myself as much as anyone else, what I am must be okay, and I must be socially identified as myself. SRS made my life survivable; I would have died in 1981 if it were not available. I embrace my transgender siblings, but my phenomenon is transsexualism.

And the hell of it is, for me to even say what I just said has become offensive. That kicks me while I’m down, adding burden to an already difficult life as an unwanted minority. These differences are meaningful in the heart, are still here, and don’t go away when you hide them. Instead, the pain gets worse.

Please don’t judge us by our appearance, not a social gender-only movement that oppresses T sexualities, and certainly not just by an unverifiable statement of identity, without demonstrated actions to clarify intentions.

Definitions

Not everyone sees sex and gender the same way. There should be usable references for struggling minorities who are primarily about one or the other, and there are. We just need the courage to face real trans person sexualities to use them.

As someone who is exactly about the T sex issues suppressed, I know the cruelty of society saying that what I am shouldn’t be mentioned, that my sexuality is offensive, that I am identified and “included” as something I could never be. So I must stress a perspective of phenomena that includes our sexualities, that does not suppress them:

TRANSSEXUALISM is the demonstrated need to be the other physical sex, to be the other binary. Physical sex cannot as yet be changed, a limitation of current medical science, a pain that must be endured by those of us with the need.

TRANSGENDERISM is the demonstrated need to live in another gender role yet not to physically become the other sex, to be sex-and-gender non-binary. Medical science and society can do this.

What we are, what all trans people are, is not just one thing; we’re a package of things that are quite opposite on major issues.

Differences in Brief

On this website, I talk about T sexualities with the clear understanding they are okay—they must be, as much as any person’s must be, for we are not less, are not offensive, are valued people, too. I do not try to hide our sexualities, do not presume they must be glossed over, referenced with euphemisms, or omitted.

As such, I do at times clearly state what the social movement says not to state. This is not disrespect, not transphobia because I don’t collude to hide it, but it is the opposite in a bid for acceptance and respect. I will contrast generalized transsexualism and transgenderism based on my four decades experience in the field, in homes, hospitals, universities, and on the streets. I know there are variations, but I’m sharing in the general manner such as one might if one said that males are taller, females are shorter.

In this, I’m reminded of the vast majority of trans people who modify the body somewhat, change gender role, but do not seek sex reassignment surgery—as compared with a minority of trans people who change gender role yet still find themselves miserable or maybe even more miserable than before (like I did), desperately seeking SRS to stay alive.

GOALS
Happy or Hurt

If the person’s goal is to live in another gender role while sexually cis, transgender, that can be done, and per this, the person can be happy. Society should embrace this person in a role met yet also as non-binary in order to allow full integration.

If the goal is to be “transgender with ‘the surgery,'” that can also be done, and the person can also be happy. The transgender paradigm implies this is transsexualism, but if SRS is obtained for secondary reasons (such as perceived validity in role), then I don’t think the goal is to actually be the other sex. Nonetheless, society should also embrace this person in a role and as s/he identifies.

But if one needs to be the other actual physical sex, that cannot be done. Per this, the person cannot be happy, but the inability to reach the goal is not the person’s fault as it’s due to the current limits of medical science. If like me, the person would be miserable or suicidal living living cross gender while sexually cis, and if other people cared about the nightmare, how life-saving SRS was, and how it hurts that medical science cannot as yet change our sex, then hopefully they wouldn’t heap more pain on us by demeaning our need, saying it is offensive to have as a primary goal or to speak clearly. Society should embrace this person with these particular issues in mind in respect for diversity, not to stereotype or force a gender-not-sex ideology on us.

IDEOLOGIES / EMOTIONALITIES

One ideology is that sex and gender must be viewed as on one continuum, use “transgender” as an umbrella term for all regardless of need or choice, slam mention of T sex issues as offensive, and say that refusing to cooperate with suppressing T sex issues is transphobic.

Another ideology is that sex and gender are two different things, even two different kinds of things, and that they are both okay to say and be. Include sex in our lives and in discussion, study, education, research, as for some trans people, it’s the prime need. To sex-shame people for needing to be the other sex, the other binary, or for openly sharing our sexualities as okay, is prejudice, transphobic.

It should be clear that people see sex and gender differently. Ts in general tend to see it differently from society, and TSs tend to see it differently from TGs. For some, gender role is paramount; for others, the other physical sex is paramount. So why would just one gender-not-sex view be allowed in a society that claims respect for diversity?

SEXUALITIES

Just as one’s sexuality may be cis or trans, so may one’s genderality—and in reality. I give an elaborate example of this in Shadow Life: Aerospace, Love, and Secrets, in what I call “the bar scene” later on in the book.

With reason, transgenders fear society’s hatred, prejudice against sex-and-gender non-binarism, rejection in role if they change gender role yet do not also want to be the other physical sex—so when they started coming out more in the 21st century, they enforced suppression of T sex issues, vilifying anyone who brings it up.

But I know from decades of experience that the sexuaity is still there in transgenderism, seen most obviously in deep disclosures to me, in obvious sexual behavior exhibited, in their periodic efforts over the years to pick me up when I was younger. When pressed, transgender advocates may segue to T sex orientation, but I’m not talking about who you are in bed with. I’m talking about (1) the physical sex you need to be, and (2) who you are in bed.

Experience and revelations tell me the major reason transgenders do not seek SRS is because their sexuality is overall not cross—and why should it be? Society is prejudiced, and transgenders know this. So transgenders may not own themselves and their sexuality in society and instead, indicate a need for SRS that is not genuinely felt. SRS is renamed a non-specific “GRS.” Reasons given to muggles for avoiding SRS will not tend to pan out through decades. “I can’t tolerate anesthesia,” “My doctor says ‘No,'” “The surgeon I need is booked for too many years,” “I’m in school,” “can’t afford it,” “I need to wait until the kids are grown…” do not pan out as other surgeries may be acceptable, there are other doctors, the one-surgeon if preferred can be booked, I had my SRS while a Sophomore in full-time college, SRS can be funded by job insurance (such as mine was in 1981 while I had no money), deceiving loved ones and struggling not to be yourself if so can cause more problems than they may be thought to solve, yet SRS is usually not chosen even after the kids are grown…

Usually, the lack of desire or conflict is in the person, not in external issues such as these.

How the Transgender Paradigm Came to Be

Trans person sexualities were open and owned in the 20th century by both transsexuals and “transgenderists” (per transgenderism’s most popular proponent, Virginia Prince). Transsexualism gained some traction. I was also there. Society didn’t like trans-anything, but society figured at least transsexuals wanted to be the other sex-and-gender binary.

Transgenderism, by contrast, was not well accepted because the desire was clearly to be non-binary.

When millions of transgenders came out in the 21st century, they feared rejection in gender role because their sexuality was not also cross. Transgenders, who had greater numbers and the larger voice, ignored, re-wrote or disavowed Dr. Prince because she was aging and was open about transgender sexuality, said to drop the “ist” because it was identified with a non-cross sexuality, pressured society to hide all T sexualities as offensive, enforced “transgender” as a T umbrella term, and cancel cultured those who did not only attend to gender role. I was there. I was a member of HBIGDA-then-WPATH. It was a years-long argument, which transsexuals basically lost because transgenders outnumber us some 10:1.

That is why you only see “gender identity” not “sex identity” included in research, discussions or non-discrimination statements, why you don’t hear about people like me in media or legislation…per the transgender paradigm because we are about needing to be the other actual sex, the thing not okay to say. To hide transgender need to be a sex and needed sexuality.

The “Transgender” Paradigm Must Evolve

I hope the transgender social movement is a stepping stone on the path to social integration, not the end goal, because it is so wrong to suppress diversity and live in social denial of one’s sexuality. I have been involved since 1977, and I’ve seen this develop and change in society. Sex-and-gender non-binarism, and all trans person sexualities, need to come out of the closet and begin to be treated equally as okay, following in the footsteps of our brothers and sisters in the gay movement.

I agree with Virginia Prince, Ph.D., that it is important not to use gender role as an umbrella for all trans people, as to do so impairs understanding of trans people who need to be the opposite sex from each other.

Slamming Dissent Intimidates Universities and Science

How can I accept a social movement that says it is transphobic to even ask if someone is like me (see Planned Parenthood, below).

T sex issues have been made a third rail, the thing to stay away from. Transgender paradigm tenets must be accepted as scripture or cancel culture whips will publicly slam people. Unethical advocates of hate, who feel empowered online by synergy, have learned to use the internet to hurt people. Their actions are generally rather adolescent—the ability to do something without the judgment to know what is best.

I would think dignified universities and scientists would be beyond that, but people and organizations give in.

In the grips of this T sex-denying scripture dissent bashing, universities teach gender supremacy, and scientific researchers bend topics to fit. A description is here.

People needing to be another gender yet cis sex have different psychosexual issues from people who need to be the other sex. Usually those issues are opposite.

Since about 2004, mostly, T gender-not-sex advocates have had their knee on my neck, crushing the life out of my most basic inner needs, even saying it’s okay to discriminate against people like me. I feel like it’s the T-sex Dark Ages, and I’m surrounded by blood letting to balance humours, Ptolemaic astronomy with Earth at the center of the cosmos, and a gender church that will crush dissent. (I used to be a professional member of HBIGDA-then-WPATH, and I argued for transsexual retention, but I left when they became committed to the transgender paradigm.)

THREE SPECIFIC EXAMPLES OF ORGANIZATIONS GIVING IN:

Three examples of organizations which marginalize transsexualism.

Planned Parenthood goes so far as suggesting that even so much as asking if someone is transsexual is, itself, transphobic (scroll down). I feel so slammed with things like that.

The American Psychological Association (APA) is T sex-negative, doesn’t want to touch offensive trans person sexualities any more than most people. In the 7th Style Guide, the APA gives in to gender supremacy, not even trying to define or include transsexualism, using the word only once to say it’s outdated. They note variations from classic transgenderism, yet all the terms are about gender. They note gender identity is distinct from sex orientation, but they don’t include sex identity or gender orientation, to keep gravitating toward a social gender role model for transgender people that—while it does recognize a need for non-binarism—does not recognize that some people have a need to be the other binary, the need to actually be that other physical sex, an opposite sexual response needed, etc. Those things are vital, and they’re all left out of “transgenderism” and “gender identity” which are about social gender role. The APA seems to promote the view that trans people are best understood with a gender-not-sex view, which demeans people like me who really are about what they won’t say. They heap more weight on my shoulders.

Virginia Tech—to its credit—has openly published since 2018 that some people there are dedicated to academic integrity while others seek, specifically, to suppress trans person sex issues. This openness is great, akin to the scientific process that if allowed to work can lead to discussion that will find truth, yet in the interim most of what is said is gender supremacist. I’ve been struggling for transsexual, or T sex issues inclusion there since 2017—inclusion of real diversity, not partial.

And there are many, many more examples, going farther than imagination.

Most People, Including Transgenders, Do Not Know What We Mean

For trans people, it isn’t just what we do that matters; it’s also what we would never do. To some trans people, SRS is a life-saver; to others, SRS would be mutilation. That has to matter.

It must also be known that some people who really are about transgenderism, with a gender focus, have SRS for secondary reasons—such as perceived validity or access—other than the actual need to be the other sex.

Things like opposite sex needs prompt me to say that we are all trans people, but we’re not all transgender. The umbrella argument is specious (#1 on the “Transgender Paradigm” page). This would be clear if people included that we’re sexually opposite.

Sexualities are major influences on trans lives. Most everyone on the planet is a sexual person, and so are trans people. To de-sex us for your own comfort is—horribly denigrating, is transphobic, says I’m disgusting, that I can be here but you’ll have to call me something else that doesn’t have the dreaded “S” word in it.

Referring to me as “transgender” is a demeaning slam which will cause pain and conflict, because it says my main need, the thing that is most vital for me in the world to be myself, is something that should not be mentioned, something not okay, something treated as offensive.

I believe people who do not, themselves, feel a brain / body rift between a needed physical sex and the actual biological sex…do not know the pain of it—the deep, internal horror, the nightmare of being so deeply and terribly wrong. That includes transgenders as well as society at large.

Accepting Diversity Includes Incompatible Views

If you treat one phenomenon as if the other phenomenon, you will hurt and alienate people.

The view “It’s all about gender, don’t mention sex, lump us together” is incompatible with “It’s also about physical sex, do include sex, and we’re different phenomena.”

But if you don’t allow for both, you’re not accepting diversity; you’re suppressing the minority view.

How to Take a Neutral Position
We need to learn to coexist, together, in peace, without giving up ourselves so that we only reinforce someone else's vision of who we should be.
Coexistence does not mean we get along if I let you define me. It means co-existing with each other while we’re ourselves. And that must include transsexualism, also.

“Trans person” or “trans people” are neutral, favor neither gender nor sex and include everyone. That’s why they’re eschewed by many transgender advocates who want it to be about gender-not-sex.

On a personal level: It is important to ask people how they identify, how they prefer to be referenced, and then do it—even by various means when the person is not present.

On an organizational level: It is important, however to state and accept both sex and gender in T lives, as without that, trans person lives are hurt, integration is limited, and hate crimes enabled.

You may not like my religion. You may believe it’s wrong. You may believe God, himself, condemns it, and that I will go to hell for it. But if I tell you it’s mine, you need to accept that it is. It would be rude, even hostile, to argue with me that your religion is right and mine is wrong. That would not be acceptance of diversity.

You should use neutral language. But if you do include “gender identity,” for example, then you should also include “sex identity,” etc. to balance, as without that, you are engaged in gender supremacy, gender bigotry, excluding, suppressing, not accepting diversity.

Issues in Transsexualism

Pre-operatively, a diagnosis for transsexualism should be provisional and temporary, as some people claim transsexualism for secondary reasons, without real intent.

Alone in a crowd.

This is a life-or-death issue for many of us, necessary. Where so it is usually from birth. Where the brain is part of the body, I believe it is a congenital brain-body birth discordance, a form of intersex, though that is usually not recognized as such. Yet.

Where sex and gender are two different things, sex identity and gender identity are two different things, male and female are two different things…the need to be the other sex is different from the need to be the other gender. See my Letter to the Editor in Archives of Sexual Behavior.

To group sex and gender under “gender” is a perspective that works for most people, but sex and gender are inverse in transgenderism, some 90% of all trans people, and working with a conflated grouping is marginalizing and hurting people like me.

My primary need area is not gender. It is physical sex and sex response:

If I were forced to live as a woman yet be sexually male, I would die. I could not live that way.

If I were forced to live as a man yet could actually be biologically, physically female, it would hurt, but I would be very pleased in some ways, and I would well survive.